Not sure if it is the pouring rain this morning or i am really that free, but suddenly felt very drama. Strike me that today is already 1st of July which means that half a year has gone - in a flash! Felt that time really flies... Everything seems like just yesterday. And then as i was reflecting on my life so far, i realised that i had accomplished nothing. Still lost to what i want to do with my life. My current superior is always telling me to apply for company offer to further my studies. But i really don't know what to take up. Do i really want to do what i'm doing for the rest of my life? i mean, taking up the offer sounds like a lifetime to me.
So as my thoughts were running at the back of my mind, i'm reminded again that as i grow older, my parents are also ageing and has aged. And as all human grow old, there will come a day to leave... As i was sitting in my cube thinking of this, i just couldn't help tearing. i really dread and can't imagine the day that happens, when my loved ones leave me. i'm really too sheltered and pampered i think. And i don't think i'm a very good daughter too cos sometimes i would throw my tantrums at them. i got really sad as i don't want to regret what i had done or not done when they are not around. The more i think, the more i depressed i got and the more i teared. Then i got reminded of what a friend had told me before ages ago... She lost it totally at work one day. She broke down and cried for no reason suddenly and got really depressed cos she was suppressing all her emotions. i don't want to end up like that. So i snapped myself out of it. i can feel my eyelids getting swollen... i don't want to end up with puffy eyes at work! Not good for image. hee... Lucky no one knows what happened. Lucky i'm always sniffing and blowing my nose at work so i don't think anyone suspected. And lucky i was "chating" all this time with my colleague across the cube so there's still an outlet for me to express my feelings. But she probably freaked out when she saw my message. hehe... Thanks for lending a listening "ear".
[Sidenote] i think i would probably end up with depression if not for the fact that i'm too lazy to think about stuff at times... Guess having an overly optimistic (or should it be considered escapist?) outlook helps! Does it?
So as my thoughts were running at the back of my mind, i'm reminded again that as i grow older, my parents are also ageing and has aged. And as all human grow old, there will come a day to leave... As i was sitting in my cube thinking of this, i just couldn't help tearing. i really dread and can't imagine the day that happens, when my loved ones leave me. i'm really too sheltered and pampered i think. And i don't think i'm a very good daughter too cos sometimes i would throw my tantrums at them. i got really sad as i don't want to regret what i had done or not done when they are not around. The more i think, the more i depressed i got and the more i teared. Then i got reminded of what a friend had told me before ages ago... She lost it totally at work one day. She broke down and cried for no reason suddenly and got really depressed cos she was suppressing all her emotions. i don't want to end up like that. So i snapped myself out of it. i can feel my eyelids getting swollen... i don't want to end up with puffy eyes at work! Not good for image. hee... Lucky no one knows what happened. Lucky i'm always sniffing and blowing my nose at work so i don't think anyone suspected. And lucky i was "chating" all this time with my colleague across the cube so there's still an outlet for me to express my feelings. But she probably freaked out when she saw my message. hehe... Thanks for lending a listening "ear".
[Sidenote] i think i would probably end up with depression if not for the fact that i'm too lazy to think about stuff at times... Guess having an overly optimistic (or should it be considered escapist?) outlook helps! Does it?
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